God can

I've prayed for people like thousands of times and feel nothing.  Its not that i don't care, I just don't feel the pain of the People i'm praying for usually.  I can understand people's pain, and i really do pray for them with all my heart. I even pray for people later on throughout my week. I've prayed that God would soften my heart and that i would feel the pain for people that He feels.  Hoping to get more passionate about people and ministry. I just haven't felt that way emotionally yet. Yesterday however, I had multiple very different experiences.  

First in the morning I prayed with a couple about another family who just lost the father/husband.  I've prayed for this same scenario and it's sad but I don't know them.  So I'm usually pretty good afterwards. Oddly enough as i began to Talk to God i felt very sad like i lost someone in my life. Then i felt as if i knew this family as personal friends and i hurt for them too.  I finished praying with tears in my eyes and i sat down still crying a bit and really emotional. So i wrote down my feelings and my confusion.

Like i understand feeling my own pain and getting emotional over that.  Whats this being emotional about people i don't know and may never see?  We usually feel pain for people who are in our lives or close to our lives.  If we cry over every person ever hurt, we'd never stop crying.  Not meaning to sound too cold but really thats how we all are.  You never even cared to think about the teens at home right now getting yelled at cause they aren't good enough.

So that wasn't the only thing that happened yesterday. I show up to church last night for youth and i heard things students were saying.  I saw one student get dropped off getting yelled at as they jumped out of the truck.  Tears in this students eyes, she quickly threw on the smile and normal pepping teen girl was back.  I really wanted to just hug all the students and adopt them all and be there for everyone.  First off I live at home on the couch and two I can't be 100 students parent.  I really hurt for them in a way i never had before and not just them but the youth that i will encounter as i step into my first pastoral role.

After taking some time to think without all my emotions, I realized God was just preparing my heart for people.  I cared about people who affected me but now I'm starting to honestly care about people who have nothing to do with me.  I learned a bit about my selfishness and that i still have a long way to go.  I still have a lot of people to care about and love.  I also need to be more like God who loves unselfishly, among His many other great qualities.  I will just grow as much as i can in this life. To be more like the God i have fallen in love with.