My hero

I have many people i look up too as heroes.  For the most part the served either their family, city, country, church, or God. I probably won't tell these people that they inspire me, cuz for the most part i don't know them. They have just lived in such ways that i want to be better myself.

This guy has inspired me to be my best since i was very young. To be pure in heart, strong in body, and never give up.  He isn't the smartest guy ever but he does support getting an education.  He knows how to show love towards his friends and his enemies.  He loves life and wants everyone to love theirs as well. He enjoys the simple joys of life. He is highly self disciplined and yet a big goof off. Work hard play hard kinda guy.  He is willing to try anything at least once.  Has almost no fear except he won't be strong enough to handle life as it is thrown at him.  Gives everything his best, even when he doesn't feel like doing it.  He strives to be the most skilled at what he does, even down to how much he is eating. He would fight the toughest battles never looking to take the easy way out.

He helped form a lot of what I think even to this day.
To my hero.

God can

I've prayed for people like thousands of times and feel nothing.  Its not that i don't care, I just don't feel the pain of the People i'm praying for usually.  I can understand people's pain, and i really do pray for them with all my heart. I even pray for people later on throughout my week. I've prayed that God would soften my heart and that i would feel the pain for people that He feels.  Hoping to get more passionate about people and ministry. I just haven't felt that way emotionally yet. Yesterday however, I had multiple very different experiences.  

First in the morning I prayed with a couple about another family who just lost the father/husband.  I've prayed for this same scenario and it's sad but I don't know them.  So I'm usually pretty good afterwards. Oddly enough as i began to Talk to God i felt very sad like i lost someone in my life. Then i felt as if i knew this family as personal friends and i hurt for them too.  I finished praying with tears in my eyes and i sat down still crying a bit and really emotional. So i wrote down my feelings and my confusion.

Like i understand feeling my own pain and getting emotional over that.  Whats this being emotional about people i don't know and may never see?  We usually feel pain for people who are in our lives or close to our lives.  If we cry over every person ever hurt, we'd never stop crying.  Not meaning to sound too cold but really thats how we all are.  You never even cared to think about the teens at home right now getting yelled at cause they aren't good enough.

So that wasn't the only thing that happened yesterday. I show up to church last night for youth and i heard things students were saying.  I saw one student get dropped off getting yelled at as they jumped out of the truck.  Tears in this students eyes, she quickly threw on the smile and normal pepping teen girl was back.  I really wanted to just hug all the students and adopt them all and be there for everyone.  First off I live at home on the couch and two I can't be 100 students parent.  I really hurt for them in a way i never had before and not just them but the youth that i will encounter as i step into my first pastoral role.

After taking some time to think without all my emotions, I realized God was just preparing my heart for people.  I cared about people who affected me but now I'm starting to honestly care about people who have nothing to do with me.  I learned a bit about my selfishness and that i still have a long way to go.  I still have a lot of people to care about and love.  I also need to be more like God who loves unselfishly, among His many other great qualities.  I will just grow as much as i can in this life. To be more like the God i have fallen in love with.

Probably my best day ever

I may not have the best smile but i know i know this was one of my best days to date.

Sitting at Forza

I'm at my favorite coffee shop today in the whole world.  Its the Parkland Forza.  Nothing special about why i like coming here i just have since my junior year in high school.  But thats not what i'm talking about today. Today I am learning what it means to practice what you preach in a hard way.

If you haven't caught on by now I am going to ministry and i'll be a pastor soonish, but I find myself having more problems being a christ follower when i try to do more for my faith.  Most of what i'll write is about my thoughts or even a bit of my struggles as a pastor hopeful.

Today Practicing what i preach.  In two weeks i'll be preaching twice and I don't have both ready but i know for one i want to preach about How to Love.  Not a purity talk by the way. I just want to show what the bible says about loving everyone and how to do so.

I know its easy to love those who love you back, thats no challenge.  That also doesn't show us what Christ love was about.  I have even gone so far as to figure out how to love my enemies, quite a challenge.  But even this doesn't teach me what Jesus' love was all about completely at least.

This last week has taught me a few of the pains that i believe Jesus feels.  One tho is about how Jesus loves us.  The question was asked this last week, "Does the bible say I need to love sinners?"  I listen to the discussion go down and was kinda shocked at how people reacted.  1 Thessalonians 5:21 "Test everything that is said" We are told to love everyone so asking why isn't a bad question.  I actually liked the fact someone was bold, or dumb enough to even ask.  So i started thinking about what he said as a reason why he wasn't sure.  "I don't know if i can love someone who doesn't love Jesus"

My sermon was going to be about why we should love all people and then how.  With a simple 3 step process: Identify, Invest, and intercede.  I was sooooooooo proud that i managed to make my sermon have some alteration. I was set and ready to go, but you know as a good Christian i  pray "God let everything i preach be from you." Then the Holy Spirit of God, who guides me and teaches me, gave me a little taste of reality and the practice what i preach came together.

I would say I am good at meeting people outside church and loving them.  Others have said i'm "skilled" or "gifted" in that area. So i thought I was a good person to even talk about this.  I had many learning experiences thru middle school high school, all public school too.  I was not ready for the Holy Slap in the face by the Holy Spirit i got this last week.

I have a friend who i can say i love dearly.  I care about this person and would do just about anything for this person.  I can let my emotion guards down and actually talk about the personal things in my life, that won't be blogged about.  I've known this person for over a year and we have had a lot happen.  We have fought and made up multiple times and once even took all summer to get over.  We butt heads often but i love my friend all the same. I am always willing to listen and i enjoy having someone i trust to talk to.

Lately tho my friend has been acting differently around me.  They will be nice and friendly one day then the next be cold and ignore me.  For a while i kind of blew it off but now its when different people are around they act differently.  Its so fast paced and crazy I can't keep up.  I felt like a stepping stone only kept around cuz I'm useful as a tall strong man. I was getting ready to close myself up and be a friend to this person but they would never be my friend again.  I would not let them be a part of my life and wreck my day for whatever their issue is, and justly so.  At least i thought.

The book of Hosea is about God's love for us and what he deals with.  Hosea is a prophet who is told to marry a prostitute, so he finds one named Gomer, as crazy as it sounds.  His wife goes back to work often and Hosea has to buy her back knowing what she has done.  That sounds rough, like my first thought is get that divorce man!  But thats not how God deals with me, or you.  God loves us and has bought us back by the blood of the spotless lamb.  I don't always choose God first and I am forgiven for it every time i mess that up.

So now what? Of course i know that i need to love my sinner friends and love people at the church, but i also have to choose to love those who flip back and forth in my life and make it difficult to live day to day. Jesus called his disciples friends in John 15.  He says "I confide in you." Jesus had to forgive those guys often. They betrayed him, ran when he was in danger, and were his biggest fans.  If jesus has called me to love like he has loved then i think what i need to do is preach that message.  That's a love is the tough but is  what Jesus taught us to do.  

Even the interns

So i teach a jr high sunday school class and i get asked a lot "isn't that a pain to do?" They are referring to lack of attention in students today.  I love my class and the students in there make me laugh each week with something new. They are loud disruptive ADHD (seriously some are) and just not interested in coming. I understand what they are saying when they call it a pain tho.  You are teaching a class you have a lesson and if you are passionate about your lesson you want everyone to get what you say. And thats just not going to happen in a room of about 20 jr highers who don't even like each other that much.

But even so i consider that class more joy than pain.  Mostly just cuz they are young and i know they are listening and just trying to figure out little stuff.  Instead of how they should live in freedom they will be more concerned with a story of mine about a security job i once had. Either way i don't have a problem with it.  I will tell the kids i don't take cell phones just don't hide them. So they are distracted on trying to hide that they aren't paying attention.  I like the honesty.

I did however saw something today that made me think that would be a pain. I am in an internship with a few other young men and women aiming for ministry as a calling on their lives, maybe as a career.  This morning a student was doing a devotion. (a short lesson about God, the bible, our lives, or whatever) While doing her devotion I saw something that almost made me say something afterwards, not in love.  In a room of 5 students 1 teaching,  2 interns where on their phones.  Usually i like to think people are on the bible apps but i could see from where i was sitting that what was on the small screen was not a bible.  It was Facebook and looking at pictures of a little party from a few days ago.  Now if anyone should be good at listening to a speaker it should be the people getting into ministry right?

Now I'm not trying to judge  cuz the fact is true i saw this and was distracted myself, so i missed a bit too.  I am trying to point out that in a room of close friends people can't pay attention to each other very long.  SO how can anyone expect middle school students to do any better.  If we don't show a much higher standard the kids will stay where they are as well.

I was challenged by this thought today that if i want people to do something i have to do it first.  If i want people to listen, i need to listen first. If i want people to grow, I need to grow first.  Very much a lead by example focused morning.  Plus what the devo said about living in unity by love. Extra free nugget there.

FREEEEEDOMMMMMM...

You know those days when you feel good? Where everything is looking at least ok and you are excited about your day.  Today was one of those days for me.  I woke up on time, i grabbed just the right pen for my day, i remembered my new mug, (thanks Nate and Miel) i wasn't tired at all, and i just felt alive.  these type of days don't come every day and i try to remember these days when life sucks. 

Today though I started to think about what are important things to me.  What are my personal core values and why do i do all that i do?  I'm 21 now and i should have formed something by now since I'm fairly consistent.  So what makes Matt Roe tick? This was not a long journey but i'd like to share it anyway.

There is a lot of things i do and don't do.  If that makes since great if not let me explain a little.  I don't drink alcohol and maybe never will.  The way i drink milk or coffee is binge like anyway. I do on the other hand work out pretty often. It doesn't show well but its true.  These are things i do for a reason not just react to life with.  They even have something in common with why i do them.

One thing that goes across the board for me in why i do what i do is freedom.  Freedom from a life that could be wrecked by alcohol, my weight, my anger, my emotions, my daily choices, who i date, who i spend time with, and anything that could lead me to be stuck in something.  I don't want things to tie me down so i purposely have gone out and made it so i am free.  I didn't understand this so much till i taught a sunday school class, for 6th-9th graders, about sin.

The sunday school class was called Hooks.  It was a 5 week series about sin and i started each class with this statement about sin. "We blew it guys, but Jesus took care of it for us. Our problem now is we have an enemy who wants to steal, kill, and destroy the work of God in you.  He wants to take freedom from you, and he uses hooks to do so." But by the last week i wasn't even talking about sin, i was talking about letting anything get in the way of your freedom given to you by God.  Such as letting yourself get in the way of that freedom, which i do from time to time by not forgiving myself.

After teaching this class i noticed in my own life i wanted to keep that freedom all the time.  So now self conscience of my freedom i had finally developed my thoughts about it a bit more with my life experience of the next couple weeks, which was a rocky couple weeks.

I will admit i had a bad week and i'm not here to vent, just to explain this a bit more.  I had gotten stressed out by doing so much and people around me, my friends, were pretty harsh with me or just too busy themselves.  In all this i needed to relax but couldn't.  I had become stuck in my stress and anxiousness.  I was not living a free life. I tried to talk to God but my mind was running so fast i seemed blocked by my own static. It all turned around thanks to God using my friends to harshly talk to me and even a kind word from another.  I relaxed and got focused on my problem.  I became free again.

So now to today.  I am driving in my car having like the best day ever, I got my swag on and everything, just thinking about what are my core values.  Today for sure I decided that i want to be the most free man alive. Not just with career choices but also everyday life. Im not stuck in this life or in anything.  I have chosen this path that God has led me down. Life will try to drag me down and sometimes that will work, but I don't want to let anything get in the way of living the great life God has given me to live out today.

My school policy as a haiku

Hi hoooooo
Hi hoooooooo
It's off to school we go
We learn some junk
And then we flunk
Hi hoooo
Hi hoo
microwave